Sourdough jokes

You know you're addicted to sourdough baking when you set three alarms a day.

One for work, one for lunch, and one to feed your starter at exactly 12-hour intervals.

"Honey, what should we name the baby?" "How about Levain?"

"We're not naming our daughter after your sourdough starter." "Fine, but Einkorn has a nice ring to it..."

Before I started sourdough baking, I thought autolyse was a type of car insurance.

Now I speak about it like it's a religious ceremony that requires 30 minutes of silent reverence.

My sourdough baker friend got pulled over and the cop asked if he'd been drinking.

He said "No officer, but I did just check my bulk fermentation and the activity was intoxicating."

"Can you bring dessert to the potluck?" "I'll bring my latest 75% hydration experiment with ancient grains."

"That's... that's not really dessert." "You haven't seen my crumb structure."

You're not a real sourdough baker unless your starter has survived at least one near-death experience.

Bonus points if you performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation with fresh flour.

People who do sourdough baking don't just take photos of their bread.

They conduct full photoshoots with ring lights, 47 angles, and dramatic crumb reveal sequences.

"Why do you have 12 different banneton baskets?" "Each one creates a unique crust pattern."

"They look identical." "You clearly don't understand the nuances of woven vs. coiled spirals."

My friend started capturing wild yeast during lockdown and won't shut up about it.

He talks about his local microflora like he discovered a new species for NASA.

"What's your starter's name?" "Dougbert von Risenstein the Third."

"What happened to the first two?" "We don't talk about the Great Mold Incident of 2022."

My mate judges restaurants not by their food, but by whether they can identify heritage grains.

Last week he gave a lecture to our waitress about the superiority of emmer wheat.

"I can't come to dinner, it's day three of bulk fermentation." "Just put it in the fridge."

"You monster! Do you refrigerate your children mid-conversation?"