Knitting jokes

My friend asked why I have 47 project bags when I only work on one thing at a time.

I told her that's like asking why I have hope.

I asked a knitter what SABLE meant.

Apparently it's not a fancy fur coat, it's having enough yarn to supply a small nation.

Before I started knitting, I thought "frogging" was something you did at a pond.

Now I know it's something you do at 2 AM while questioning all your life choices.

You know someone's serious about knitting when they own forty-seven circular needles.

All in slightly different sizes they'll "definitely need someday."

Knitters don't have hobbies, they have "UFOs."

And no, they're not searching for aliens, just their forty-three unfinished projects.

My knitting group has a strict policy about gauge swatches.

We pretend to make them, then act shocked when our sweaters could fit a small horse.

A knitter walked into a yarn store "just to look."

She left with enough merino to clothe a small village and a story about "investment purchasing."

Gauge swatches are like New Year's resolutions for knitters.

Everyone knows they should do them, but somehow they always get skipped.

I finally understand why they call it "yarn chicken."

Because I'm always too chicken to buy the extra skein I obviously need.

Knitters don't have friends, they have "stash enablers."

People who nod supportively while you explain why you need seventeen skeins of purple yarn.

My therapist asked about my relationship with commitment.

I explained that I've cast on 23 projects this month but haven't finished anything since 2019.

A knitter's idea of speed dating is examining someone's handknit sweater construction.

If the seams are crooked, there's no second date.