Surfing jokes

How many soul surfers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. "It's not about the light, man, it's about the connection." Then the bulb blows, and he sulks in the dark for three days like it's gone flat.

The forecast says a long period groundswell arrives on Wednesday.

Across the country, an unusually large number of dentist appointments have just been booked.

My mate swore he was quitting surfing for good and sold his entire quiver.

A week later, he came home with a "beginner foamie for the kids." He doesn't have kids. He does, however, have a brand new leash and a fresh bar of cold water wax.

My nan asked how my weekend was, and I told her I got pitted, then worked, then rinsed.

She asked if I'd fallen into a dishwasher full of olives.

Day traders and surfers are basically the same people.

They both stare at charts forty times a day, panic over a single number and couldn't tell you their kids' birthdays. Only the surfer knows the tide times, though.

Most people wait seven years for the grumpy local to learn their name.

The kook on the new soft top managed it in seven seconds by launching his board at him on the first wave.

You know you're addicted to surfing when you're at a work conference 300 miles inland,

and you look out the window at a flagpole and mutter "onshore."

The log rider needed 47 takes to film one cross step to the nose.

The caption read: "Just a casual little sesh."

My mate has a wetsuit for every degree of water temperature: 2mm, 3/2, 4/3, 5/4 hooded, plus booties, gloves and mitts.

He comes in blue lipped and shaking in every single one of them.

My partner asked me to marry her.

I said I'd need to check the long range swell forecast first. Apparently that's the wrong answer.

Surfers have about five words for their feelings: frothing, stoked, pumping, rinsed and sick.

They use the exact same ones to describe a twelve foot barrel and a decent ham sandwich.

Ask a surfer about their board and they'll rattle off "6'2" by 19 and a quarter by 2 and 7/16ths, 29.5 litres."

Ask for their phone number and they'll have to check.