Plumber jokes

My therapist asked why I always talk about pipe joints during our sessions.

I told him it's because I need to work through my connection issues.

A plumber's wife complained that he never listens to her.

He said, "Sorry love, I was just thinking about whether that's a 15mm or 22mm problem you're having."

Why do plumbers make terrible restaurant critics?

Because they spend the whole meal examining the tap pressure and asking to see the boiler room.

I tried to quit plumbing and become a yoga instructor.

But on day three I found myself explaining to the class why their downward dog position had poor flow dynamics.

Why did the plumber's wife know he was cheating?

He came home with PVC shavings on his shirt, but they only had copper pipes at the job he said he was working.

How do you know you've been a plumber too long?

When you automatically check the water pressure every time you wash your hands at someone else's house.

I asked my plumber mate what he wanted for Christmas.

He said, "Just surprise me," so I bought him a pipe wrench he already owns in three different sizes.

Why don't plumbers ever get invited to dinner parties twice?

Because they spend the entire evening critiquing the host's kitchen tap and offering to "sort that dribble out properly."

A plumber tried meditation but kept getting distracted.

Every time the instructor said "go with the flow," he started mentally calculating GPM rates.

A plumber's wife asked him to be more romantic.

So he started calling her "my perfect seal" and describing their relationship as "leak-proof under pressure."

My plumber friend said he was taking up golf to relax.

Last week he got kicked off the course for trying to improve the sprinkler system on the 7th hole.

A plumber walks into a bar and immediately asks about their glycol levels.

The bartender said, "We just serve beer here, mate," and he replied, "Yeah, but what's your line cleaning schedule?"