The funny gift for coffee lovers

100 Funny Jokes About Coffee Addicts

For anyone who's binned an espresso over four seconds. 100 jokes about grinders, dialling in and coffee snobbery. The perfect gift.

100 original jokes about Coffee Addicts
Perfect for Coffee Addicts enthusiasts of all ages
Great conversation starter and gift idea
Professionally written comedy content

Paperback · £9.99 on Amazon UK · $10.99 on Amazon US

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A taste of what's inside

6 of the 100 jokes. The rest are in the book.

My husband bought an "endgame" grinder and announced he's finally done upgrading.

It's his fourth endgame. At this point it's not an endgame, it's a franchise.

Offer a coffee snob a cup of instant and you'll hear the politest lie in the English language.

"Oh, I'm alright actually, I've had loads today."

My home espresso setup has more drama than a soap opera.

Every morning there's channelling, a breakdown under pressure, and somebody ends up in the sink.

Before I got into specialty coffee, coffee tasted like coffee.

Now it tastes like jasmine, bergamot and ripe cherry, and I pay a small fortune for the privilege of not tasting coffee.

My wife says she feels like the second most important thing in my mornings.

I told her that's not true. She's fourth, behind the grinder, the scale and the kettle.

Rule #1 of dialling in: one good shot takes 45 minutes and 100g of beans.

Tomorrow you start again, because the beans are a day older. And so, frankly, are you.

Get all 100 jokes More coffee jokes →

About this book

The ultimate gift for Coffee Addicts enthusiasts! This hilarious collection of 100 original jokes will have them laughing out loud. Perfect for birthdays, Christmas, or just because. A must-have for anyone who loves Coffee Addicts and has a great sense of humour.

A funny gift for coffee lovers

Buying for someone who lives and breathes coffee addicts? They probably own all the kit already. This book gives them something they cannot buy for themselves: 100 jokes that prove you have been listening to every story about it.

It works as a birthday present, a Christmas stocking filler, a Secret Santa gift or a just-because laugh. Amazon prints and ships it, so you can send it straight to them.

Looking for more ideas? See our Funny Gifts for Foodies, Bakers and Coffee Lovers, or browse Christmas stocking fillers.

Who this book is for

This book is for the person who owns more scales than a pharmacist and has poured a perfectly drinkable espresso down the sink because it pulled in 24 seconds instead of 28. It's for the one who checks the 'roasted on' date like a detective inspecting evidence, packs an AeroPress and hand grinder for a weekend camping trip, and describes their morning cup as having notes of stone fruit, bergamot and a jasmine finish while everyone else just tastes coffee. If they've ever filmed their espresso through a bottomless portafilter to check for channeling, they belong here. Perhaps you live with one of these people. You've watched them spend an entire bag of beans 'dialing in', learnt not to speak to them before the first cup, and sat patiently through a holiday planned entirely around specialty roasters. This book is your chance to gently tease them about the stopwatch, the WDT tool and the endless quest for the elusive god shot, with jokes they'll secretly love. And if you're the one muttering about brew ratios, spraying your beans with water to beat the static and judging every new town by its flat white, this book is for you too. Pour yourself a 1:16, settle in and enjoy a good laugh at the gloriously ridiculous lengths we go to for the perfect cup. After all, anyone who inspects a spent puck like tea leaves can surely see the funny side.

Questions about this book

Expect affectionate, knowing humour about the coffee obsessive's way of life, from spending an entire bag of beans dialling in a single shot to inspecting a spent puck like a fortune teller reading tea leaves. There are one-liners, longer gags and observational jokes about channelling, the eternal chase for the God shot, and the curious habit of announcing 'I'm running a 1:2 in 28 seconds' as if it were classified information.

It makes a brilliant present for birthdays, Christmas, Secret Santa or Father's Day, especially for the friend whose kitchen worktop now resembles a small café. It is ideal for anyone with a home espresso setup, a pour-over habit or a firm belief that decaf is a crime, and it is a rather cheaper gift than yet another grinder upgrade.

Not at all, as plenty of the jokes land with anyone who has ever needed a morning cup before speaking to another human being. Seasoned home baristas will spot the deeper references to TDS, bloom, crema and brew ratios, while partners and friends will recognise the person who has stopped explaining what the new box on the doorstep is.

Rather than recycling generic 'I need coffee' slogans, this book is written from inside the coffee community and pokes fun at its real quirks. It covers the never-ending upgrade path from a £50 grinder to a £3,000 setup complete with a spreadsheet of shot data, and the creative maths that justifies a £4,000 machine by counting the lattes it 'pays for' while quietly ignoring the grinder, beans and accessories.

Ready to roast them?

100 jokes, one very recognisable victim. Printed and shipped by Amazon.

Buy on Amazon UK · £9.99 Buy on Amazon US · $10.99