The funny gift for wild swimmers

100 Jokes about Wild Swimmers

For the swimmer who calls a frozen lake invigorating: 100 jokes about cold water, blue lips and the smug glow afterwards.

100 original jokes about wild swimming, from the first shriek to the post-dip biscuit
Covers water temperature announcements, towel-wrapped changing, tow floats and the ever-growing kit bag
Affectionate lakeside banter that roasts blue lips, numb toes and "it's lovely once you're in"
Perfect for birthdays, Christmas or Secret Santa, for the dipper who treats January as an invitation

Paperback · £8.24 on Amazon UK · $10.99 on Amazon US

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A taste of what's inside

6 of the 100 jokes. The rest are in the book.

Rule #1 of wild swimming: never wear a wetsuit after October, because it's cheating.

Rule #2: neoprene gloves, socks, boots and a hood are "accessories" and don't count.

My mate checks the sewage discharge map more often than his pension.

He couldn't name his bank manager, but he could pick his water company's CEO out of a police lineup.

Wild swimmer: "You should come! Honestly, it's lovely once you're in!"

Friend: "Then why were you screaming?" Wild swimmer: "That's how you know it's lovely."

Before I took up wild swimming, I had a savings account.

Now I have three changing robes: a winter one, a "lighter one for summer" and a towelling poncho for "in between seasons."

I met a man at the lake who'd done an Ice Mile.

I know because he told me before I'd finished saying my own name.

My friend was in the sea for three minutes this morning, then wore her changing robe for the next eleven hours, including to a funeral.

In her defence, she wore the black one.

Get all 100 jokes More wild swimming jokes →

About this book

Do you know someone who calls a freezing lake at 6am "invigorating"? Someone who checks the water temperature more often than the weather forecast? Someone whose idea of a relaxing weekend is getting into a river in January and then telling everyone about it for the rest of the week? Then this book is for them.

100 Jokes about Wild Swimmers is a light-hearted collection of one-liners, puns and gentle teasing about the people who love open water: announcing the water temperature to anyone who will listen, changing under a towel on a crowded beach, blue lips and numb toes, the flask of tea and the post-dip biscuit, tow floats and an ever-growing kit bag, and the ducks, swans and curious seals who watch it all.

It makes a cheerful birthday gift, Christmas stocking filler or Secret Santa choice, and a fun treat for a swimming club, a retirement or a thank-you. Whether they dip in the sea, the lake, the river or the lido, they will recognise themselves on every page.

A funny gift for wild swimmers

Buying for someone who lives and breathes wild swimmers? They probably own all the kit already. This book gives them something they cannot buy for themselves: 100 jokes that prove you have been listening to every story about it.

It works as a birthday present, a Christmas stocking filler, a Secret Santa gift or a just-because laugh. Amazon prints and ships it, so you can send it straight to them.

Looking for more ideas? See our Funny Gifts for Outdoor Lovers and Adventurers and Funny Gifts for Swimmers, Paddleboarders and Water Lovers, or browse Christmas stocking fillers.

Who this book is for

This book is for the swimmer who gets up in the dark, drives to a lake and walks into water so cold it makes penguins nervous, then comes out smiling. It's for the one who checks the water temperature before the weather, owns more neoprene than regular clothing, and says 'just a quick dip' when they mean an hour. Perhaps you're the partner who has held the towel on a pebble beach in February, or the friend who has been told, again, that cold water is 'amazing for your mood'. You know the flask, the changing robe and the bag of damp kit in the boot. This is your chance to tease them affectionately. And if you're the wild swimmer yourself, the one who shrieks on the way in, insists it's fine once you're in, and glows smugly for the rest of the day, you're very welcome here too. These jokes are for anyone who can laugh at blue lips and still be back in the water tomorrow.

Questions about this book

Affectionate one-liners, puns and short gags about everything wild swimmers love and suffer through: the water temperature updates, the towel-wrapped changing dance, numb fingers, the post-dip tea and the curious wildlife watching from the bank.

Yes. It makes a cheerful birthday, Christmas, Secret Santa, Mother's Day or Father's Day present for anyone who swims in the sea, a lake, a river or a lido, and it is small enough to slip into a kit bag or a stocking.

Not at all. Anyone who has watched a friend walk into freezing water on purpose, or heard all about it afterwards, will get the jokes. Swimmers will just laugh a little harder.

It is written with adults in mind, in a gentle pub banter style. There is nothing explicit, but some of the humour will land best with grown-ups.

Ready to roast them?

100 jokes, one very recognisable victim. Printed and shipped by Amazon.

Buy on Amazon UK · £8.24 Buy on Amazon US · $10.99