The funny gift for triathletes

100 Jokes about Triathletes

The funny gift for anyone who swims, bikes, runs and then talks about it all day.

100 original jokes about swim, bike, run and everything in between
Perfect birthday, Christmas or Secret Santa gift for triathletes
Gentle, affectionate humour every triathlete will recognise
6x9 paperback, one joke per page

Paperback · £8.30 on Amazon UK · $10.99 on Amazon US

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A taste of what's inside

6 of the 100 jokes. The rest are in the book.

My mate spent more than his car is worth on deep section carbon wheels to save eight seconds over 40K.

Turns out the cheapest free speed was skipping the second pudding.

My neighbour asked if I thought it would rain this weekend.

Twenty minutes later I knew his 140.6 splits, his sodium sweat rate and that it rained at mile 18 of his marathon, "but I didn't let it stop me."

The former college swimmer exits the water first, looking like a Greek god.

Then spends the next six hours being overtaken by people who swim like a dropped phone.

I've quit triathlon for good. Hung up the wetsuit, cancelled the coach, deleted the training app.

Now I just cycle and then go for a run straight afterwards, but it's not a brick if I don't upload it.

Tell a triathlete you've run a marathon and they'll say "Nice!"

It's the same tone you'd use for a toddler who's just put on their own shoes.

For most triathletes, the big race is also the family holiday.

Nothing says quality time like three days in a hotel near transition while Dad tapers and snaps at everyone over pasta.

Get all 100 jokes More triathlon jokes →

About this book

Do you know someone who can't do just one sport? Someone who swims, bikes and runs, then talks about it for the rest of the day? Someone who owns more Lycra than casual clothes, keeps a bike worth more than their car, and thinks a 5am open water swim is a great way to start the weekend?

100 Jokes about Triathletes is a light-hearted collection of jokes, puns and one-liners celebrating the wonderful, slightly unhinged world of triathlon. Whether they're training for their first sprint or their tenth long-distance race, this book will have them laughing between sessions (if they ever have time between sessions).

Inside: wetsuit wrestling and mass-start kicks to the face, carbon obsession and aero everything, jelly legs and brick sessions, transition chaos, endless data, race-day nerves, and the long-suffering partners on sherpa duty.

A brilliant birthday present, Christmas stocking filler or Secret Santa gift for the triathlete in your life, and small enough to slip into a race bag.

A funny gift for triathletes

Buying for someone who lives and breathes triathletes? They probably own all the kit already. This book gives them something they cannot buy for themselves: 100 jokes that prove you have been listening to every story about it.

It works as a birthday present, a Christmas stocking filler, a Secret Santa gift or a just-because laugh. Amazon prints and ships it, so you can send it straight to them.

Looking for more ideas? See our Funny Gifts for Gym Lovers and Fitness Fanatics, Funny Gifts for Runners, Funny Gifts for Cyclists and Funny Gifts for Sports Lovers, or browse Christmas stocking fillers.

Who this book is for

You know the type. Their alarm goes off at 4:30am for masters swim, they squeeze in a lunchtime run between meetings, and by evening they're grinding out watts on Zwift in a sweat-soaked spare room they insist on calling 'the pain cave'. They have an M-dot tattoo on their calf, a Garmin tan line that survives the winter, and they will pause at a red light to stop their watch, because if it's not on Strava, it didn't happen. Perhaps you're the partner who has watched them practise flying mounts in the driveway while the neighbours stare, or the friend who has heard about their 70.3 split times at a dinner party, a christening and, quite possibly, a funeral. Maybe you've survived a taper tantrum, listened to a detailed explanation of their shaved legs ('it's for aerodynamics, massage and road rash'), or found energy gels in the cutlery drawer. This book is your chance to gently mock the madness, and it's a lot cheaper than another carbon wheelset. And if you're the one wearing compression socks with shorts at the supermarket, calculating carbs-per-hour for a Sunday ride and seriously debating whether weeing on the bike saves enough time to be worth it, this book is for you too. If you can admit that your FTP has quietly become a measure of your self-worth, and that your training plan looks suspiciously like a quarterly report, you'll find plenty here to laugh at. Read it during your taper, when you've got nothing better to do than invent phantom injuries.

Questions about this book

Expect affectionate, knowing humour that pokes fun at every part of triathlon life, from brick legs and chaotic T1 transitions to taper tantrums and the athlete who lets slip their Ironman within thirty seconds of meeting you. There are one-liners, observational gags and a few groan-worthy puns, covering everything from the unspoken truth that everyone has peed in their wetsuit to the belief that FTP is a reliable measure of personal worth.

Absolutely. It makes a brilliant birthday or Christmas present, a cheeky reward for finishing a first 70.3 or 140.6, or a stocking filler for the club member whose house is slowly being taken over by M-dot merchandise. It is also an ideal peace offering for the long-suffering Ironman widow or widower, who will finally get to laugh at the reason they haven't seen their partner on a weekend since training block one.

Not at all. Most of the jokes land with anyone who has ever met a triathlete, because the obsession with kit, watts and early-morning swims is fairly hard to miss. Seasoned age-groupers will spot plenty of insider references, such as TSS, T2 being 'the fourth discipline' and the dreaded taper, but nobody needs a power meter to enjoy them.

This book is written specifically for the triathlon community rather than recycling generic sports gags with the word 'triathlete' swapped in. It draws on the jokes triathletes genuinely tell about themselves, from 'How do you know if someone's done an Ironman? Don't worry, they'll tell you' to the old line that aero wheels are cheaper than a tri-vorce (barely). The result reads like banter from your club's post-race café stop rather than a joke book written by an outsider.

Ready to roast them?

100 jokes, one very recognisable victim. Printed and shipped by Amazon.

Buy on Amazon UK · £8.30 Buy on Amazon US · $10.99