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Cover of 100 Jokes about Road Cyclists, a funny gift book for cyclists

The funny gift for cyclists

100 Jokes about Road Cyclists

For the rider with four bikes and plans for a fifth: 100 jokes about road cyclists, café stops and headwinds.

  • 100 original jokes about Road Cycling, for anyone who owns n+1 bikes
  • Covers shaved legs, £150 gram-saving upgrades and circling the driveway until the Garmin hits 100.0km
  • Affectionate café-stop banter roasting riders who are forever 'just getting back into form'
  • Perfect birthday or Christmas gift for the MAMIL hiding a new bike in the garage

Paperback · £8.30 on Amazon UK · $10.99 on Amazon US

Buy on Amazon UKBuy on Amazon US

A taste of what's inside

6 of the 100 jokes. The rest are in the book.

The correct number of bikes to own is N+1, where N is the number you currently have.

The maximum is S minus 1, where S is the number that makes your partner pack a suitcase.

My mum asked why I looked so upset after the club run, so I told her a guy half wheeled me for 40km.

She wanted to call the police. Honestly, I didn't stop her.

Normal person: "How was your weekend?"

Cyclist: "Well, I did four hours in Zone 2, so you might want to sit down for this."

Rule of the club run: this is a strictly no drop ride.

Terms and conditions apply to anything with a gradient.

My mate upgraded to electronic gears so he'd never miss a shift again.

Then the battery died and he did the last 60km in one gear, which he now calls "a single speed training block."

My mate says "chapeau", drinks his espresso with his pinky out, and calls drizzle "proper Flandrien weather."

He's never been to Belgium. The furthest he's been is the garden centre café.

Get all 100 jokesMore cycling jokes →

About this book

Do you know someone who measures every holiday in elevation gain? Someone who owns four bikes but insists the fifth is absolutely essential? Someone who can't ride past a café without stopping, yet still talks about the ride as if it were a mountain stage?

Then this book is for them. 100 Jokes about Road Cyclists is a light-hearted collection of one-liners, puns and observations about the riders who live for the open road, the group ride and the post-ride flat white: the n+1 rule, shaved legs and sharp tan lines, counting every gram of carbon while eating a second slice of cake, headwinds, half-wheeling, and clacking cleats across the café floor.

It makes a brilliant birthday present, Christmas stocking filler or Secret Santa gift, and works just as well for Father's Day or a retirement. Ideal for anyone who has ever waited patiently while a cyclist explained their average speed in great detail.

A funny gift for cyclists

Buying for someone who lives and breathes road cyclists? They probably own all the kit already. This book gives them something they cannot buy for themselves: 100 jokes that prove you have been listening to every story about it.

It works as a birthday present, a Christmas stocking filler, a Secret Santa gift or a just-because laugh. Amazon prints and ships it, so you can send it straight to them.

Looking for more ideas? See our Funny Gifts for Cyclists and Funny Gifts for Sports Lovers, or browse Christmas stocking fillers.

Who this book is for

This book is for the road cyclist who owns more Lycra than regular clothing and whose matching team kit is worth more than their first car. You know the type: they clip-clop into the coffee shop in their cleats, helmet still on, explaining their power numbers with the gravity once reserved for mortgage rates. They have spent £150 to save 30 grams, they will happily circle their own driveway until the Garmin reads exactly 100.0km, and they are quietly judging whether your valve stem lines up with the tyre logo. If you are the partner, friend or relative of one of these creatures, this book is your revenge. Perhaps you have listened to the elaborate explanation of why shaved legs are purely for road rash recovery, or watched in dismay as they proudly showed off their glove-dot tan lines on a family beach holiday. Perhaps you have heard the words 'N+1' one too many times and are privately calculating S-1. Hand them this book, sit back, and enjoy watching them recognise themselves on every page. And if you are the cyclist yourself, chapeau for picking this up. Whether you are a Rules Purist with correctly measured socks, a Café Ride Philosopher who rides 40km to justify a cinnamon bun, or a Strava Warrior who turns into a silent assassin the moment a KOM segment begins, you will find yourself in here. Read it on the café stop, share it with the group ride, and try not to half-wheel your way to the punchline.

Questions about this book

The book is packed with affectionate, self-aware humour about life on two wheels, from the N+1 rule for bike ownership to the rider who swears they're 'just getting back into form' before attacking on the first climb. There are jokes about half-wheeling on supposedly social rides, bonking so badly you'd trade a kidney for a petrol station sausage roll, and the eternal truth that the café stop is the real reason anyone gets out of bed on a Sunday. Expect one-liners, puns and observational gags that poke fun at cyclists without ever being mean-spirited.
Absolutely. It makes a brilliant birthday, Christmas or Father's Day present for the club rider, sportive enthusiast or MAMIL in your life, and it's a cheaper way to show you care than funding their next carbon wheelset. It also works well as a stocking filler, a Secret Santa gift for the office cyclist, or something to pass around the table at the post-ride coffee and cake stop.
Not at all. Most of the jokes are easy to follow for anyone who has ever ridden a bike, or lived with someone whose bikes outnumber the chairs in the house. Seasoned riders will enjoy the insider references to things like 'sitting on', getting dropped, the sufferfest and the S-1 divorce threshold, but the humour works on its own, and non-cyclists may finally understand why their partner owns six bikes and still wants a seventh.
Generic joke books recycle the same tired gags, whereas this one is written specifically for the road cycling community and captures the habits, rivalries and rituals that riders actually recognise. It's built on shared truths, such as Greg LeMond's 'It never gets easier, you just go faster' being used to justify why £10,000 worth of kit hasn't made the hills hurt any less. If you've ever burned 1,500 calories and then eaten 2,000 at the café, these jokes will feel like they were written about you, and that deserves a hearty 'chapeau'.

Ready to roast them?

100 jokes, one very recognisable victim. Printed and shipped by Amazon.

Buy on Amazon UK · £8.30Buy on Amazon US · $10.99